THE MEANING OF BIBIT, BEBET, BOBOT IN THE SELECTION OF PARTNERS : A STUDY OF PARENTS AND CHILDREN IN JAVA
Pemaknaan Bibit, Bebet, Bobot dalam Pemilihan Pasangan : Studi Pada Orang Tua dan Anak di Jawa
DOI:
https://doi.org/10.36526/santhet.v10i3.8258Keywords:
bibit bebet bobot, mate selection, family communication, narrative theory, Javanese cultureAbstract
The concept of bibit, bebet, and bobot represents a traditional cultural framework used by Javanese families in selecting potential life partners. Despite social and cultural transformations in modern society, this value system continues to influence parental perspectives and family decision-making. This study aims to explore the meaning of bibit, bebet, and bobot in partner selection as interpreted by parents and children, and to understand how these values are communicated within the family context. Using a qualitative phenomenological approach, data were collected through semi-structured focused group discussions involving a pair of parents and one adult child of Javanese ethnicity in Surabaya, as well as netnographic analysis of TikTok videos and public comments discussing the relevance of bibit, bebet, and bobot. The findings indicate that these values remain significant as moral, social, and cultural considerations in choosing a partner. Parents tend to emphasize traditional interpretations related to family background, economic stability, and moral character, while the younger generation interprets these values more flexibly in accordance with contemporary contexts. Communication through storytelling and personal narratives plays a crucial role in transmitting and negotiating these values across generations. This study concludes that bibit, bebet, and bobot remain relevant in modern society when communicated openly and adaptively, allowing negotiation between tradition and present-day relational needs.
References
Affan, M. S. (2021). Dekonstruksi konsep kafa’ah (analisis antropologi): Dalam ungkapan Jawa “bibit, bobot, bebet.” Ijtihad: Jurnal Hukum dan Ekonomi Islam, 12(2), 103–120. https://doi.org/10.21111/ijtihad.v12i2.6689.
Apostolou, M. (2010). Parent–offspring conflict over mating: The parent–offspring conflict theory of mating. Evolution and Human Behavior, 31(4), 286–298. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.evolhumbehav.2010.01.001.
Baxter, L. A., & Braithwaite, D. O. (2006). Relational dialectics theory: Crafting meaning from competing discourses. Journal of Family Communication, 6(4), 255–278. https://doi.org/10.1207/s15327698jfc0604_1.
Berger, P.L., & Luckmann, T. 1966. The Social Construction of Reality: A Treatise in the Sociology of Knowledge. New York: Anchor Books.
Botwin, M. D., Buss, D. M., & Shackelford, T. K. (1997). Personality and mate preferences: Five factors in mate selection and marital satisfaction. Journal of Personality, 65(1), 107–136. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-6494.1997.tb00531.x.
Fachrodin, & Chabib, A. N. (2022). Kriteria bibit-bebet-bobot pada perjodohan adat Jawa di Desa Kediren, Kalitengah, Lamongan: Perspektif hukum Islam. Jurnal Ilmu Hukum (JURIH), 1(1), 31–45.
Fisher, W. R. 1984. “Narration as a Human Communication Paradigm: The Case of Public Moral Argument.” Communication Monographs 51(1):1–22. doi: 10.1080/03637758409390180.
Fisher, W. R. 1987. Human Communication as Narration: Toward a Philosophy of Reason, Value, and Action. Columbia: University of South Carolina Press.
Fowers, B. J., & Olson, D. H. (1993). ENRICH marital satisfaction scale: A brief research and clinical tool. Journal of Family Psychology, 7(2), 176–185. https://doi.org/10.1037/0893-3200.7.2.176.
Galvin, K. M., & Braithwaite, D. O. 2014. Family Communication: Cohesion and Change. 9th ed. New York: Routledge.
Geertz, C. (1961). The Javanese family: A study of kinship and socialization. Free Press.
Goode, W. J. 2007. Sociology of the Family. Jakarta: Bumi Aksara.
Haryanto, J. T. 2019. "Local Wisdom as Social Capital in Family Life." Smart: Journal of Society, Religion, and Tradition Studies 5(2):189–202. doi: 10.18784/smart.v5i2.824.
Haryanto, S. (2015). Cultural values in the Javanese marriage system. Journal of Indonesian Social Sciences, 7(2), 113–125.
Hyitsme_99 [@hyitsme_99]. 2025. Seeds, roots, and weight are that important, huh [Video]. TikTok.
https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSf13ybXc/
Inspirasiesra [@inspirasiesra]. 2025. Learning success from Javanese philosophy [Video]. TikTok.
https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSyEp3RpA/.
Kaakinen, M., Aaltonen, I., & Rautiainen, M. (2022). Family communication as a process of intergenerational value accommodation. Social Sciences, 12(12), 653. https://doi.org/10.3390/socsci12120653
Kamilah, F. 2015. "The Role of Parents in Determining Their Children's Life Partners." Journal of Educational and Developmental Psychology 4(2):1–12. Norma, S. 1990. Sociology of the Family. Jakarta: Rineka Cipta.
Kalmijn, M. (1998). Intermarriage and homogamy: Causes, patterns, and trends. Annual Review of Sociology, 24, 395–421. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.soc.24.1.395.
Kuntjara, E. (2004). Gender, budaya Jawa, dan relasi rumah tangga. Humaniora, 16(3), 209–220. https://doi.org/10.22146/jh.v16i3.739.
Lestari, S. (2012). Psikologi keluarga: Penanaman nilai dan penanganan konflik dalam keluarga. Kencana Prenada Media Group.
Masfiah, U. (2022). Bobot, bibit, and bebet in choosing a mate: A study of Serat Warayagnya manuscript by Mangkunegara IV. Advances in Social Science, Education and Humanities Research, 644, 45–54. https://doi.org/10.2991/assehr.k.220206.04.
Prabowo, A. (2020). Peran sosial keluarga Jawa dalam pengambilan keputusan pernikahan. Jurnal Komunikasi dan Budaya, 5(1), 71–82.
Prasetyo, A., Harwijayanti, B. P., Ikhwan, M. N., & Maknun, M. L. 2022. “Interaction of Internal and External Organizations in Encouraging Community Innovation.” Frontiers in Psychology 13:903650. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2022.903650.
Rahmah, Y. A. 2022. “Mutual Relations in Family and Marriage.” Mubadalah.id. Retrieved January 14, 2022.
Saraswati, E. 2011. The Role of Parents in Child Development. Bandung: Refika Aditama.
Saraswati, L. (2011). Bibit, bebet, bobot sebagai norma budaya dalam pemilihan pasangan pada masyarakat Jawa. Jurnal Penelitian Humaniora, 16(2), 87–98.
Setiyawati, N. (2019). Modernisasi budaya Jawa dalam pemilihan pasangan hidup. Jurnal Sosiologi DIALOG, 2(1), 63–75.
Schwartz, C. R. (2013). Trends and variation in assortative mating: Causes and consequences. Annual Review of Sociology, 39, 451–470. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-soc-071312-145544.
Secrtcutie [@secrtcutie]. 2025. It Turns Out That Background, Education, and Wealth Are Very Important in Marriage [Video]. TikTok. https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSyEpYvbX/
Suparno, I., Indah, R., & Hasanah, N. (2024). Nurturing togetherness: Unraveling communication dynamics in Javanese family relations. Jurnal Pekommas, 9(1), 441–453. https://doi.org/10.56873/jpkm.v9i1.5239
Surbakti, E. B. 2008. Family Psychology. Jakarta: Elex Media Komputindo.
Surbakti, J. (2008). Nilai budaya Jawa dalam pemilihan jodoh: Bibit, bebet, bobot sebagai alat legitimasi sosial. Anthropologia, 20(1), 13–27.
Wijaya, Y. (2015). Family values in Javanese culture and their relevance in modern marriage selection. Jurnal Psikologi Sosial, 13(2), 89–101.
Yeni, M. 2022. “The Phenomenological Approach in Social Research.” Journal of Social Research Methodology 3(1):45–56.
